Hard to say goodbye...

I went to visit my father. I tried to prepare myself and thought I did a good job. When I walked into his room at the hospital, the once strong burly man I knew as my father was a frail, weak man. He looked more like my grandfather than my father.
He had a black eye from falling earlier in the week. He had tests and there were no serious injuries. More just bruising than anything.

He did not remember who I was. That was difficult. After being reminded he said he remembered but I wasn't sure. The second day we asked him again and he did remember and even said my name.

He was eating very well and even asked for more food after eating everything...and I mean everything, right down the the last piece of lettuce off his sandwich. We bought him some apple cobbler and ice cream from the cafeteria. Sugar free of course. He's diabetic. We took turns feeding him. I fed him dinner and my sister fed him dessert. He was growing tired and sleepy so we told him goodnight and that we would see him in the morning.

The second day we were there the nurses got him up to walk after breakfast, which he ate on his own. He had on his hospital gown and my sister, niece and I waited out in the hall behind a glass door so that he could take his walk without worrying about us, worrying about him. He used a walker and walked very slowly.
As he passed us, I could see the back of his gown..yes it was closed.....His legs were almost as skinny as mine. I am thin and petite. 5'1" 120 pounds. He has no muscle tone left. My dad was always a big hefty Italian man. He loved to eat and usually had a weight problem because of it. I think maybe the eating could have contributed to his heart problems. I have never seen my father so thin.

We left him with the nurse to take his walk and said our goodbyes until that evening. We received a call that they were releasing him to a nursing home as he can no longer be in assisted living. The hospital transported him to the nursing home and we met them there after they got him settled in. This would be my last time seeing him and it very difficult. I didn't want to leave him. I wanted to put him on a plane and bring him back to Tampa with me. I think I would have if he could travel. He cannot so I had to leave my dad there in the care of others. We said our goodbyes. It wasn't like in the movies where you tell the person all things you want them to know. We had to tell him goodbye like we would see him again sometime. I think he knew we probably wouldn't though. I kissed him on the head and told him I loved him. Walking out of that room was one of the most difficult things I have ever done in my life.
I know he is in good hands there...... until he is in the hands of someone else...above.