Letting go......

I just let go of things in my life that I have no control over. It feels good. They are still there...hanging around...I know it...but I also know I have no control over them...so I just let them go. I know what I can fix or have control over now....What I can't fix or control.....is in someone else's hands...
I have no control over cancer.
I have no control over my son's decisions.
I have no control over whatever does or doesn't happen with my job.
I have no control over the oil spill.
I have no control over world peace.
I have no control over the critters in the attic.
I DO have control over my reactions to things....
I DO have control over my eating.
I DO have control over my happiness.
I DO have control over my home life.
I DO have control over myself.

Therapy is empowering

I have been to several therapy sessions now and it's doing a world of good for me.

Thursday night I met my husband at Ocean Prime in Tampa for drinks. There was a networking function hosted by a temp agency my husband's company uses. It was near the International Mall. I usually would have passed on the invite if I had to drive so far...but my therapist thought it was a good idea I go. I am glad I did. I had a good time. Was very tired afterwards and the drive home was a little stressful. I was tired, it was dark...I hate that combo when driving. Made it home safely and enjoyed the time with my husband and his friends from work.

Last night I lit a fire. Bob and I spent the evening sitting by the fire and listening to classic R&B.

Today I felt better than I have in years. It was a beautiful sunny day today. I was up early. Made my husband and I some eggs for breakfast. I ate two eggs, corn bread and coffee. I spent a short of amount of time on my laptop checking email and catching up on Facebook. I haven't been on much lately.

I had some errands to run so I jumped in the shower and got ready as I finished my coffee.

I went to the Vet and picked up Maddie's allergy meds. Then I went to Walmart and shopped a bit. The trip to Walmart didn't bother me so much today. I picked up some groceries and other things I needed. My sister, niece, nephew and his girlfriend will arrive from Virginia tomorrow evening for about 5 or 6 days to visit.

Once I returned home, I put away the groceries. I stripped all the beds and put on new sheets I had just purchased and washed the day before. The beds have nice crisp new linens. I love that. After doing that I cleaned the bathrooms, washed and vacuumed my car and conditioned my leather seats. I worked on my car for a good 2 hours. I had the radio blasting and sang and even danced while cleaning my car. The neighbors must have thought I finally lost it.

Bob came home after running some errands. We were both in sync with each other today. He picked up most of the things I forgot at the grocery store. How he knew I'll never know. He also picked up the phone and ordered a pizza. Just an hour or so before, as I was working on my car..... I was thinking of how much I would enjoy a slice of pizza.

When he returned from picking up the pizza, he and I chatted over a slice. We were both so tired. My body was starting to hurt after all the physical activity I had. Yesterday I worked out so my muscles were a little sore...but it felt good.

I jumped in the shower...again....and settled in for the evening. Bob and I watched a comedy show on HBO and our son Des came in with Oscar, his roomate from college. They are off for Spring Break.

I am feeling better about myself and my life than I think I ever have. I don't know if its a temporary high...but I enjoyed every second of today.

Facing your demons.

I've starteding counceling. My second session is tomorrow. The first one was gut wrenching and a sense of release at the same time. Its hard to face your demons. It's the only way though. Keeping them locked away for safe keeping just allows them to continue killing you from the inside.
I honestly am not looking forward to tomorrow's session. It's too painful. It's like knowing you have to have surgery to make yourself well, but you know the surgery is going to hurt like hell.
Give me a pillow to hold when I cough.

My bubble

I have this bubble I go into when I feel stressed. It protects me from the rest of the world out there. I guess I have been in my bubble for a couple months. I make an appearance on a rare occasion. But most of the time, I am still mentally in my bubble, though I could be in a room full of people.

I am having some weight issues. No appetite. I weigh 104 pounds soaking wet. I try to eat but am never hungry.

I'm trying really hard to keep the weight on....but it's difficult when you are a nervous wreck and have no appetite.
Maybe I need a hobby.
Anyhow....for now......back in my bubble I go.

Vacation, allergies,Thankgiving

It's been a while...I know....
I have been on vacation for 2 weeks. It's been heaven. Staying up late, sleeping past 5 a.m. No screaming kids (unless you count the two times I forced myself to enter Walmart's doors). And no bitching parents. I ate better also. Gained a pound then lost it. Whatever.

Bob and I went to Clearwater for a few days. I watched the sunset (my only real reason to go) enjoyed the beach, the spa. It was only for a few days but it was nice to get away.



The mulch is all gone and the rock is in....Maddie is still itching....All that work for nothing...but hey, no more mulch to replace year after year. Took her back to the vet the day after Thanksgiving (more on Thanksgiving later). Vet put her on another round of antibiotics and some stronger antihistamines. The Vet said I can up the dosage to one whole pill if its not too "sedating" Surely you jest.....Too sedating? for Maddie? NEVER. So far, not sure if I see a difference or not. Have to give it another couple days. She likes the fact I put her pills in vienna sausages. She doesn't like "the helmet" she has to wear.



Thanksgiving was nice...went to Bob's brothers. Spent the day with family and some really great friends, one of whom has cancer also and is fighting it with everything ounce of his soul. He looked exhausted and the treatment has taken it's toll on him, but he has such a positive attitude. He's an inspiration to anyone with cancer. Brain and Ureter Cancer. Enough said I guess. The doctors did say his tumors had shrunk and he may be able to return to work in January.

It's back to work tomorrow for me. Other than the screaming kids...I look forward to getting back on schedule. I have my lunch packed and in the fridge, ready to go. Hopefully at 5 a.m when that alarm goes off, I will still feel like going back.
Wish me luck.

A new car

I bought a new car. We were looking for a good used car for our son...and I thought, "I have a good used car"...excellent condition, 3 years old. No marks on it anywhere..Perfect condition and I have every service record on it.
So, Des bought my car and I bought a new one.
Got a great deal on it. Love the color etc. It's a 2009 Hyundai Sonata Limited. It's loaded. I have never owned a car this nice. I guess the good stuff is worth waiting for.

Maddie, cars and stuff.

I figured out what is causing Maddie's allergies. Well, at least I think I know what it is. Mulch. Red. Died. Mulch. It's horrible. She breaks out..comes in itching, red..scratching, biting. I have to bath her and wipe her when she comes in.

We are going to get all the mulch out of the yard this week and replace it with rock. She won't like it..but hopefully,no more itching.

Looking for another car for Des. The one he has just isn't working out. I hate buying cars.

Bob bought a new truck last weekend. Went in, looked at one truck. Said this is the one I want, sat down, made a deal, it was done.
He makes it look to so easy.

We found a car for Des yesterday with low miles, good price. Bringing our mechanic to look at it.

I am still trudging along at work. The doctor thinks she has a buyer for her house. So that is step one in the process of getting to Dallas. Now she has to keep on finding a buyer for the practice.
Wherever it leaves me...with or without a Job, I will stay until the locks are changed and they ask me to leave. Just depends on if the new doctor already has a staff.

Otherwise, life is good...still.
Oh and one more thing...I discovered John Legend....I'm in love.... :)