Letting go......

I just let go of things in my life that I have no control over. It feels good. They are still there...hanging around...I know it...but I also know I have no control over them...so I just let them go. I know what I can fix or have control over now....What I can't fix or control.....is in someone else's hands...
I have no control over cancer.
I have no control over my son's decisions.
I have no control over whatever does or doesn't happen with my job.
I have no control over the oil spill.
I have no control over world peace.
I have no control over the critters in the attic.
I DO have control over my reactions to things....
I DO have control over my eating.
I DO have control over my happiness.
I DO have control over my home life.
I DO have control over myself.

Therapy is empowering

I have been to several therapy sessions now and it's doing a world of good for me.

Thursday night I met my husband at Ocean Prime in Tampa for drinks. There was a networking function hosted by a temp agency my husband's company uses. It was near the International Mall. I usually would have passed on the invite if I had to drive so far...but my therapist thought it was a good idea I go. I am glad I did. I had a good time. Was very tired afterwards and the drive home was a little stressful. I was tired, it was dark...I hate that combo when driving. Made it home safely and enjoyed the time with my husband and his friends from work.

Last night I lit a fire. Bob and I spent the evening sitting by the fire and listening to classic R&B.

Today I felt better than I have in years. It was a beautiful sunny day today. I was up early. Made my husband and I some eggs for breakfast. I ate two eggs, corn bread and coffee. I spent a short of amount of time on my laptop checking email and catching up on Facebook. I haven't been on much lately.

I had some errands to run so I jumped in the shower and got ready as I finished my coffee.

I went to the Vet and picked up Maddie's allergy meds. Then I went to Walmart and shopped a bit. The trip to Walmart didn't bother me so much today. I picked up some groceries and other things I needed. My sister, niece, nephew and his girlfriend will arrive from Virginia tomorrow evening for about 5 or 6 days to visit.

Once I returned home, I put away the groceries. I stripped all the beds and put on new sheets I had just purchased and washed the day before. The beds have nice crisp new linens. I love that. After doing that I cleaned the bathrooms, washed and vacuumed my car and conditioned my leather seats. I worked on my car for a good 2 hours. I had the radio blasting and sang and even danced while cleaning my car. The neighbors must have thought I finally lost it.

Bob came home after running some errands. We were both in sync with each other today. He picked up most of the things I forgot at the grocery store. How he knew I'll never know. He also picked up the phone and ordered a pizza. Just an hour or so before, as I was working on my car..... I was thinking of how much I would enjoy a slice of pizza.

When he returned from picking up the pizza, he and I chatted over a slice. We were both so tired. My body was starting to hurt after all the physical activity I had. Yesterday I worked out so my muscles were a little sore...but it felt good.

I jumped in the shower...again....and settled in for the evening. Bob and I watched a comedy show on HBO and our son Des came in with Oscar, his roomate from college. They are off for Spring Break.

I am feeling better about myself and my life than I think I ever have. I don't know if its a temporary high...but I enjoyed every second of today.

Facing your demons.

I've starteding counceling. My second session is tomorrow. The first one was gut wrenching and a sense of release at the same time. Its hard to face your demons. It's the only way though. Keeping them locked away for safe keeping just allows them to continue killing you from the inside.
I honestly am not looking forward to tomorrow's session. It's too painful. It's like knowing you have to have surgery to make yourself well, but you know the surgery is going to hurt like hell.
Give me a pillow to hold when I cough.

My bubble

I have this bubble I go into when I feel stressed. It protects me from the rest of the world out there. I guess I have been in my bubble for a couple months. I make an appearance on a rare occasion. But most of the time, I am still mentally in my bubble, though I could be in a room full of people.

I am having some weight issues. No appetite. I weigh 104 pounds soaking wet. I try to eat but am never hungry.

I'm trying really hard to keep the weight on....but it's difficult when you are a nervous wreck and have no appetite.
Maybe I need a hobby.
Anyhow....for now......back in my bubble I go.